A Few Words On Love..
I find glory in a golden sky.. The seed was planted in stealth with great care and before I realized, the affair began to take shape. It started with little things but more than anything, it was how much She loved you..adored you even. I suppose that would make any lover infinitely more attractive, to be adored by one such as her, that was the first thing. Oh.. how she spoke of you often & with pride, eyes gleaming as she did. I can remember how depressing that used to seem to me, her loving you so, after all, what had you ever given her but heartache? I now journey down a long, dark tunnel at the end of which is the smallest, faintest light hurtling toward me faster than I can control and I collide with it in a big, huge BANG!! Into nothingness...except for blinding.. white.. light. Here, I can see everything...vividly, how is that possible? I have these big bangs & as I grow older they seem to happen with more frequency where daydreams & nightdreams, conversations & memories, history, philosophy & bits of collective consciousness all coincide with life force. For a split second who I am/what I am does not matter. I am nothing and yet see all, know all, not with my mind but on my skin. The hair on my arms and the back of my neck raise in awareness that I am part and parcel of something else. Something so large, so beyond me....and here is the key to it all.. Love.. is the Thing.. that thing that is the constant underlying thread to all humanity, and oh.. God.. how glorious are the dreams, how wonderful! They're like a drug to me, the beauty, the peace, the souls who only visit in dreams. I feel a warmth in the pit of my stomach, it's the feeling of coming home to a place I never want to leave... and that glorious golden sky.. I am secure as I journey through the space-time continuum.. Writer, dreamer, know thyself and from whence thy came, that you may see what you shall, and must become, for it is you who shall lead the masses. She insisted, no demanded that I know myself at all times and in all places even when I would rather shrink from my jet black, golden brown, light skinned, ugly but beautiful self. Those times I was lost and thought I didn't care. She said there was a place for me, for us, a time that would embrace us, & we would be guided and oh..how she loved you so..even as she mourned you and the weight she carried. The betrayals, the travesties, loved you through your suffering and so did she, suffer I mean, albeit silently. She said I must love you as well, but then again I hated you sometimes too. I suppose you seemed all consuming to me then, you sure sucked the life out of her and so many others before. I often wonder if she wondered had she done all she could. No matter, it's all over now but the shoutin' and by the way she could scream & shout too! Liked to shout about you to any & all who'd listen. Who could deserve this much love especially when you behaved like a son of a bitch, beating her ass in the street for whatever reason, uplifting you or some such thing. But she said I must be gentle with you and that I must know you & love you as myself for you would one day be me & mine. The young are so impatient, so angry and impetuous, but not she. It always comes back to her, my model, my mentor, my muse. She believed us to be the last vestiges of hope and faith who could remind the world of that constant, yet invisible, underlying thread. Like her belief in God she believed in us.... and loved us so... Happy birthday grandma, I love you